What? I'm not - I don't - I just thanks should be given more often than it does? That people don't hear it enough when someone appreciates them and -
You didn't have to sit with me watching this or be concerned about me or even care. And I know you'll say you're Disorder so of course you do, but you're probably one of the only people who think that way. It's a disservice to your bravery, loyalty, and kindness to not recognize it.
Yes, kindness. Maybe not to everyone, but to the people you decide to care about you're very kind. I'm not taking arguments on that at this time.
So - thank you. For being you, for letting me see you.
You act like having negative feelings are some taboo thing, and you're so ready to give everyone grace except yourself. Got that whole "I gotta be useful" to be deserving of praise vibe goin' on.
Not something yer gonna get good at overnight, but should probably work at it a little more.
1/?? icon expression time with my limited expressions
[ For a moment there's a soft, amused smile. Goose wants to tell them how much of a killer he is and how he likes that, but he thinks he undermines this part of himself. ]
[ That, like Elegy, he manages to see through all the layers and stab right into the heart. Maybe he's a killer in a different way. ]
[ The teenager swallows. ]
2/ i have 520 icons but an actual actor hard for exaggeration okay
[ He thinks about the visions and how Billy repressed everything else he might be to be William - to be the son that they lost. How nothing else mattered. ]
[ He thinks about how just like him it's always been easier to oblige. When someone's worried or upset to just - to do whatever makes them quiet. ]
[ He knows it's not an explanation that he can give to people. That he does it to protect himself. ]
[ He thinks about his own experiences. When he didn't know how to deal with everything and how he wrote it down and how horribly that turned out - ]
[ How his desire to remember all of the moments he had was used against him and how he simply shut it all down. ]
[ And maybe it wasn't exactly the same, but getting along well in class. Not making his "parents" unhappy had taken precedent over everything else. ]
[ After a moment, he starts to open his mouth and then he closes it again. Bites down on the inside of his lip as he gives a short shake of his head 'no'. ]
Before the boat I couldn't really tell you who "Phoenix" was. Whoever I needed to be - I guess - to just get by.
To survive.
I didn't - [ He shrugs. ] Some stuff happened and it was easier to just not... feel anything. Or if I did to just let it be what people wanted to see or expected.
Quieter. Easier.
I don't know. I think it's just a thing I do - we do. In any life.
It wasn't until the ship that someone saw through it for the first time - Or maybe he didn't. But it was the first time someone said they wanted to know me for me even if it took a while to figure it out and -
I know he didn't have that even if it wasn't his parents fault. Billy, I mean, because he chose to give up anything else he might have been to protect them. And I don't think I did either -
[ a beat. ] Sorry.
This is just a really long-winded way of saying... I know. And I'm trying, I promise.
[ my favorite thing is rolling "does he start crying," and it's a nat 20.. ]
[ which is to say that the nod turns into a pause. and he swallows hard as he ducks his head - eyes misty when he goes to place a hand over them and breathe out. ]
... Thanks.
I'm trying to be someone I can be proud of even if there's... some work to be done.
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brother_nature) wrote2024-06-14 02:23 pm
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
I guess not.
Um - thank you, for everything, by the way.
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
I ain't done nothin' that needs thanks. Sayin' it that way makes it sound like ya think it was a burden or something.
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
You didn't have to sit with me watching this or be concerned about me or even care. And I know you'll say you're Disorder so of course you do, but you're probably one of the only people who think that way. It's a disservice to your bravery, loyalty, and kindness to not recognize it.
Yes, kindness. Maybe not to everyone, but to the people you decide to care about you're very kind. I'm not taking arguments on that at this time.
So - thank you. For being you, for letting me see you.
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
[Way more in common with this Billy/William kid than he realizes. An amused huff.]
Well I ain't gonna fight ya on that.
Yer welcome, kid.
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Re: EARLY ON THE NIGHT OF REMINISCENCE
Not something yer gonna get good at overnight, but should probably work at it a little more.
1/?? icon expression time with my limited expressions
[ For a moment there's a soft, amused smile. Goose wants to tell them how much of a killer he is and how he likes that, but he thinks he undermines this part of himself. ]
[ That, like Elegy, he manages to see through all the layers and stab right into the heart. Maybe he's a killer in a different way. ]
[ The teenager swallows. ]
2/ i have 520 icons but an actual actor hard for exaggeration okay
[ Quiet. ]
[ He thinks about the visions and how Billy repressed everything else he might be to be William - to be the son that they lost. How nothing else mattered. ]
[ He thinks about how just like him it's always been easier to oblige. When someone's worried or upset to just - to do whatever makes them quiet. ]
[ He knows it's not an explanation that he can give to people. That he does it to protect himself. ]
3/? okay i think it'll be 4 sorry ash
[ How his desire to remember all of the moments he had was used against him and how he simply shut it all down. ]
[ And maybe it wasn't exactly the same, but getting along well in class. Not making his "parents" unhappy had taken precedent over everything else. ]
[ After a moment, he starts to open his mouth and then he closes it again. Bites down on the inside of his lip as he gives a short shake of his head 'no'. ]
4/5 IM A FUCKING LIAR
Before the boat I couldn't really tell you who "Phoenix" was. Whoever I needed to be - I guess - to just get by.
To survive.
I didn't - [ He shrugs. ] Some stuff happened and it was easier to just not... feel anything. Or if I did to just let it be what people wanted to see or expected.
Quieter. Easier.
I don't know. I think it's just a thing I do - we do. In any life.
5/5 I PROMISE
It wasn't until the ship that someone saw through it for the first time - Or maybe he didn't. But it was the first time someone said they wanted to know me for me even if it took a while to figure it out and -
I know he didn't have that even if it wasn't his parents fault. Billy, I mean, because he chose to give up anything else he might have been to protect them. And I don't think I did either -
[ a beat. ] Sorry.
This is just a really long-winded way of saying... I know. And I'm trying, I promise.
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But! He listens when Phoenix speaks up, cocking his head. After a quiet beat, he just nods, tilting back in his chair, seemingly unbothered.]
I believe ya.
But gotta say, the Phoenix I've known so far ain't been so bad to be with.
1/2
[ which is to say that the nod turns into a pause. and he swallows hard as he ducks his head - eyes misty when he goes to place a hand over them and breathe out. ]
... Thanks.
I'm trying to be someone I can be proud of even if there's... some work to be done.
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Sorry, for yapping at you again.
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S'alright. It's one of yer skills, after all.
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'Fraid to ask what you think those other ones are, honestly.
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Try guessin'.
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But sure, go ahead and name mine.
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